Find me or leave me, I don't care, you're dead
by Aqua279
Summary: This is my first story on here, so yah. I really hope u like it! ] I would put a summary but really I don't think I shud... ]But of course it's got some sort of faxness
1. Hello again

yes i don't own maximum ride or her friends. So yah that is why this story will suck. 

HI!!! This is my first fic on here and I really want to say that I am proud of myself!! I finally found out how to put your stories on here!!! Oh yeah!! You might wanna read it right? Hehe here you go.

Staying low is hard. I really want to run out of this bush and say hi, but Fang says it might scare her. She hasn't seen us in three years and must think we're dead. But to the world, we are!! Fang, Iggy, Gazzy and me are all hiding in a bush, occasionally moving to follow Max when she moves to a different place. She really needs to sit still. I have been waiting all day to say something to her, but it might scare her. No one has acknowledged her in those three years. She has been alone and without companion ship. Poor Max. I missed her, though I knew she was alive, she thought I was dead. I knew she was alive, because I seen her on television almost every week. News channels had recorded her in the act of flying and saving the world.

"Nudge, go ahead." Fang sighed, seeing me bouncing and almost blowing our cover. I almost shrieked and flew off.

Max P.o.v.

I walked and walked; bored out of my mind…nothing to do…no sound…no one talking…this is my day…always like this. No one was brave enough to talk to me when they saw me fighting to save their sorry assets. The flock has been dead for two years at the least, so I paid no attention to the video cameras that had followed me around while I saved the world.

'Let them look,' I'd thought, 'Let them wish they were me. So we can be even. I wish to be nothing but an innocent; standing on the sidelines. They wish to fly high and explode the sane thinking of normal people. Even the strongest, egomaniac, man wouldn't want this if he got a taste of it.' I'd thought, bitterly. They took my family, and my life. I acted as if I couldn't hear them when they asked me questions the first time they'd seen me flying. When they seen me fighting, they didn't dare question me further. I heard the bushes rustle the way they would have if Nudge had been hiding in them when on a sugar high. But Nudge was dead.

As was Fang, Iggy; Gazzy even. Angel had been killed in the explosion. I made sure of that. Evil little brat, she's the reason for most of these new scars. BIitch.


	2. No ur not here! Of course not!

woops what did i do?? yikes i think i pressed something... 

Chapter two: The Facts

They used her as a weapon at the School. A weapon against me, of course. And to top it all off, she wasn't being forced to do it; she wanted to. The brat was evil since she…well I don't know when but I do know that the look in her eyes was pure evil. And I don't regret seeing the life drain from them as the fire engulfed her. I sound sick, but I don't need to lie to myself. I don't even have to lie to others now. Because they don't here me. They don't listen; I don't care. I don't need any normal person this world threw at me. I needed my human-avian hybrids that died so long ago. If I could have given myself for them, I would have in a wing stroke, but I was unable to die until I saved the world. Now it's saved and I'm too much of a chicken to finish it. I would, but what if, on some wild chance, they were still alive? I hadn't actually seen them die. I had only seen the things I wanted to believe…and I wanted to believe they wouldn't have to live in a hell where everyone knew our secret and asked questions all the time. I heard a shriek of "Max!!! Hi!!" but it was probably some stupid new-be news reporter who hadn't seen me fighting or getting angry at the other news casters to get out of my face. She probably couldn't be scared off anyways. I haven't used my voice in over a year.

"Max! I know you can hear me! It's Nudge!!" What? No Nudge was dead. This little news reporter was about to get killed. "Max!! I really missed you!! I seen you on T.V and I was wondering how your wings went from brown and white to gold and silver! But if you don't wanna talk to me, then I'll have to go tell Fang, Iggy, and Gazzy that you don't wanna see them!! Poor Gazzy might cry and Iggy will get angry and start glaring at everything he can't see. Fang will go into a silent depression." That sounds just like her. Is it possible she lived through all the deadly intoxications the bombs had sent into the air? But it has to be her, she knew what my wings looked like before I transformed slightly...

"Nudge? You're dead. Goodbye." My voice sounded distant…I didn't want to say that, it came out like I was saying it out of instinct. Maybe I told myself things like that in my head so I did have to say that a lot. Actually, I did tell myself that she was there, talking everyone's ears off, annoying the heck out of me.But then I would tell her "Nudge Your dead." and want to die...

Fang POV

Nudge took off behind Max, shouting at her with slight desperation. We had all missed her, though we never could keep up with her. She moved on by the time we found out where some of New Jerseys brave news casters had gotten her on tape; she always had a sad look on her face. It said 'I know their dead. I know things change and leave, and hopefully I will too, soon.'

Which I don't like the way she thinks. If she wanted to die because we were missing, then maybe we should buy her a straight jacket. If Nudge talks too much to her, she might scare her. She hasn't spoken in about a year and Nudge….just got her to talk…Oh my, gosh, wow. Some of New Jerseys best interrogators couldn't get a word or whimper out of her, yet 14 year old Nudge can? I wish I could go talk to her, though that might be too much. If I had stayed awake the night she left, this wouldn't have happened….right? OR would it have happened, only with us really dead and Max waiting for death without hope for us?

"Is she insane?! She's going to scare her away! I should have gone first or something!! But no, master Fang wanted Nudge to go!!" Gazzy had tears rolling down his cheeks as he watched Max stand with her back to Nudge. She had stopped moving, but Nudge slowly walked towards her. I really hope she knows what she's doing. If I have to watch Max fly away again I might not live to see 18.

"Max, we're going to have to leave if you don't believe me. But we just found you, so we really don't want to leave you, but we'll have to!" Nudge explained gently, probably hearing footsteps coming our way. Max turned around to face Nudge and caught my eye. She motioned for us to come out.

"Leave then. You'll be gone tomorrow anyways. I just need to think clearly and my imagination will give up on trying to get me cheered up." I wish she would give up on her being alone thing. If we were hallucinations, would we be so dirty, or tired? NO!! Wrong!! Or not…she always did see us this way, so maybe she figures it's one of her memories.

"Max Ride. Why won't you believe us?"

"I believed Angel and look what she did to me!" Max pulled up her pants leg and revealed long, scary looking scars, all over it.

"What…how…? Why did she….if She…." Iggy stuttered, using Nudges power to see Max.


	3. Better believe it, baby

Chapter Three: Better believe it Baby!

Iggy

I guess I knew all along that Angel was evil but I didn't WANT to believe it. She had been acting strange and all that but now, with what I seen that she did to Max, it was so clear it hurt. Nudge let me use her power to see the tears running down Max's face. I was shocked she had spoken at all. From what I recall, she hasn't spoken in about a year, tops. She was terribly depressed and she looked like she was waiting for death to come and knock on her door. This was not the Max I knew before. She was scared and broken and sad and I wanted the old Max back. She thought we were dead! How, when we were standing right in front of her!? I can't believe she is just going to doubt us and leave us, again!!!

Gazzy

Max looked really sad. She was all dirty and was crying. My sister had been the one to hurt her. Why? All she ever did was love us. Angel was dead…she was a traitor, so she didn't deserve my tears. That's what Max told me when I was crying over Jeb and Anne and everyone else that ever betrayed us. I think that if Max believed us that we were real, she would be happy that I was still listening to her advice. Plus, she was a better mom than Fang or Iggy. They didn't know what to do if we had a nightmare or if we were scared of the dark. They were cool and all, but they weren't winning the parent of the year award any time soon. At first we were sad about Max and didn't care who was in charge, then Nudge started watching T.V. and saw Max. So we were happy and noticed what Fang and Iggy did to take care of us. Which was: Iggy cooking and Fang making sure we got bandaged up if we got hurt. They let us stay up too late, which was, of course, cool at first but then it got boring and Nudge told them we need a bed time. They looked around like 'What is a bed time?' So we made one. It was at 8 so that we could get lots of sleep and still get up early. Max would say it was an excellent idea.

Max looked at me, Nudge, Iggy, then lastly Fang. She was probably still deciding if we were real or not.

"Find me or leave me, I don't care, you're dead." She said softly. I was not leaving, no matter who found us!!! Fang was going to do something right? Right???

"Max, we're not dead! Please understand that we are not dead! I want you to come with us! We want you to be home again!" Something made her face change from sad to scared then happy.

"I'm dead. You're dead. Now I'm getting it. This is punishment, right? I have to watch you guys still grow up in this hellhole. Fine. I'll come with!" She smiled, but it didn't look real. Something clicked in my hyper active child brain. She was coming!!!!!


	4. Welcome home?

Hey guys!! I want you all to know that I appreciate all the reviews!!! Thanks!! And WiErDfRoG, Fang will talk more just 4 u!!!!

Chapter four: Welcome home?

Fang

I really don't know what to say. She's coming. Big whoop; she also thinks she's dead. How is she ever going to believe us if she is totally convinced that we're all dead?

"Max? Do you think you can stay with us? I mean when we go home? Like you could live with us!! And then you could believe us that we're all alive!! Oh! You should know that Fang missed you a lot and that…Total is no more." Nudge said, looking down. We were flying; Max was lighter, though you could see her depression in her face. She looked around, looking at the blackened sky. This was normal for her; she often did this when a news broad caster caught her when she was flying. The sky was darker than it used to be; now stained a dark grey from bombs and smog. Hehe, lookey there, humans destroy the world after getting saved. I glided over to Max and flew above her, wanting her to say something, anything.

"What do you want?" She sighed, looking up. It was as though she wanted us to disappear so that she could be assured that we were dead again.

"I just wanted to be by you." I said, shrugging. She looked up, not convinced yet that we were alive or real.

"It's good to know that I didn't forget how you guys used to act." She said, a small, fake smile plastered on her face.

"It's not a memory!" I practically yelled at her. Gazzy looked up harshly, giving me a look like he was in charge.

"Max? Do you want to fly by me?" He asked, sounding like he was scared that I would make her go away. I was too. I didn't know how to act around her now.

When we got home with Max, she gave us all a good look in the face as though she was confused on why she was here, in front of a real house, most likely owned by real people. It was. By us.

"Do you like it, Max? I like it! We all picked it out together and hoped that you would come home! Me and Angel share a room and everyone else gets their own room…but you need a room now…Right? You're going to stay with us right? Like, you're not going to leave randomly again??? I would come after you. No matter where you went. I'm pretty sure that you would make Fang really sad. He was really depressed when you left! Like, he would go to his room and blast some music. Yeah, I know what a weird way to be depressed." Nudge paused to take a breath, but Gazzy glared at her, his blue eyes scared. He really was scared that Max would leave him again, wasn't he?

"Max? Do you love us?" Gazzy asked, looking up at her as though he was a kicked puppy. His eyes were wide, his lip puckering out, nose slightly reddened by tears held back. Iggy stiffened up as though someone had said that he was stupid for trying to live a normal life. Nudge stopped breathing and looked up at Max too, her brown eyes looking at our leader with all the trust a fourteen year old could have.

"I always did. I always will, no matter how dead we all are." She said, though she seemed to have a tiny bit of doubt in her speech. Her light brown eyes were dead looking, still. She gave Nudge a hug, then Gazzy.  
"Max? Please tell me you don't think that we're all dead. This can't be an illusion. See how real this is?" Iggy said, tapping her foot with his.

"It could be a very good illusion. You don't know what I've seen." Max said, then her eyes rolled and she swayed on her feet.

"Max!" I yelled before I could stop myself. Was she dying now? After all this time of surviving without a chance and now she was dying? God must hate me.

I rushed to her side to catch her if she fell. She continued to sway, but never fall.  
"Silly, kids. This happens a lot. Every time I think of what happened…then…I start to get faint. It's happened a few times when I was in the air before." She said, lifting her shirt and showing us nasty scars on her back, looking as though Mother Nature was ripping her apart; tearing at her back. Thin red lines were all over her back, all blood red. Her wings weren't showing any injuries, but I bet they'd been hurt, too. My face twisted with horror before I composed it. I felt a tearing sensation in my gut as I continued to stare at her scars. She was so hurt, and I couldn't do anything about it. She knew that I would help if I could right? I hope so, because if not, then I might as well have left her alone.

Iggy.

I heard gasps and a shift of clothe. I walked towards Max and put my hands on her wings. She put her hand on mine and directed it to a scar. It felt bad. Like they had been reopened quite a few times.

"Max…what happened?" I heard Fang ask.

"I told you, I fell out of the sky." She said, her voice not revealing anything. She pushed me away.  
"You fell out of the sky…because you almost fainted?" He asked slowly, as though he was just catching up.

"Yes, good job you get a golden star!" Max said sarcastically.

'_She's coming back….'_ I thought. Maybe if we didn't act like ourselves she would be snapped back to normal Max.

"Max how could we be your memories, if we got older? You didn't know that when I turned seventeen that I would get paler, or that I would get my ear pierced three more times. Or that Nudge would get only a little taller, or turn into more of a girly girl. Or that Gaz would let his hair grow out or make his favorite color green instead of red. Lastly you didn't know that Fang would go into a depression, talk less than he already did, grow his hair out a little more, get a tat and not eat for days in a row. You didn't know that Total would die from food poison or that we would follow you all over the U.S. Or that we would look this way at all. How would you know that?" I asked, fingering a few of my earrings. This was my only solution to her problem. If that didn't fix it, then it was up to everyone else. I waited with my face set so she would know how I felt. This was not going to be easy was it? No of course not. Our life wasn't easy, yet we got through it.

"I…I don't know. Maybe I just have a good imagination?" She didn't sound convinced with either of our replies, but it was better than her being convinced that she was right.

Later I cooked a good dinner, but I knew this was nothing to celebrate. My feelings were hidden behind of masks of smiles and laughs as though I was having fun with the kids. I felt bad about this. Why did she think we were dead!?!?!? We all needed to do something so out of character that she realizes that we are real…I already tried.

"Nudge, come here." I said after dinner. She was lying on the couch and playing with Max's hair. It had gotten longer they said. I tapped her head and saw what everyone was doing.

"Yeah Iggy?" She asked innocently.

"Um…You need to do something that you would never do when we were with Max three years ago. Something right in front of her, so she gets that we're alive. Something, anything!" I whispered urgently. She paused, leaving me in silence. She snapped her fingers and grabbed my wrist.

"Got it!" She yelled, dragging me to the living room.

Max

I saw Nudge dragging Iggy in by his wrist. This is so not fair. I wish they were still alive…But maybe they were…Iggy was making sense…I couldn't remember all of that if I'd never seen it…Iggy and Nudge stopped in front of me.

I didn't mind, I was too spaced out to really be watching the TV. anyways. Gazzy was staring at them questioningly and Fang didn't move, just sat there. He didn't eat any dinner, just watched us eat. Me mostly. I never remember him being so annoying when he was around me. Suddenly Nudge pulled Iggy down to her and kissed his lips. Whoa….that was…she…did I really…how? Iggy looked just as shocked, but Nudge shrugged her shoulders, looking at me.

"Would I have done _that_ if I was still the same old Nudge?" She asked smugly. She did have a point…That was so unexpected that I nearly had a heart attack just watching. My mouth dropped open as I watched Iggy kiss her back. This was not how I remember my flock. No one was like their old selves. Well, Gazzy was, but not even Fang! Since when does Fang stop eating? And Iggy? He just kissed Nudge! Then she kissed him!!!

"Max, you have to believe it now! We aren't dead! And neither are you! Why do you think that way?!" Iggy demanded.

"I have lived alone for three years, thinking that you died, and now all of a sudden you appear, after me having many hallucinations, and I'm supposed to think you're alive? How is that supposed to work out?" I asked, tearing up. I felt vomit coming up like an acid.

"Well…no. But you should recognize us from other memories of yours. Like, don't we look different? Act a slight bit different?" Nudge begged. Know this, I wished so badly to believe her, her face was so sad. But she also could be another hallucination.

"Fine! I don't care what you think! Just as long as you're here!" Gazzy suddenly yelled, coming out of his trance like stage. It felt like someone had slapped me in the face. Not once had Gazzy done that…not in a long time. He just yelled at me…and now he was glaring in my direction.

"I…I'm sorry? I don't know what to say. I just feel like that if I start to enjoy this, that it'll be snatched from me…I can't deal with all of that again. That would kill me, though life is close to it. I really do love you guys, but…you know what's going to happen? I'll end up falling asleep and wake up all alone and stranded. Again. Do you know how that feels? To think you're finally loved again , then you wake up and it's just a dream?" I asked, waiting to see their reactions. Nudge was crying into Iggy's shoulder while he stared stiffly at me…or in my direction. Gazzy was lost in his own world again it would seem. Fang looked up from under his hair and took a deep breath.

"Yeah. I know the feeling. I know exactly what you feel like. You feel like you finally found them. That everything was going to be alright because you found us. And then, when you start to accept that their back, you wake up. Wishing to die." He said.


	5. I finally updated Short but update

NOTE: I DO NOT SUPPORT UNDERAGED SMOKING. ACTUALLY I DON'T SUPPORT IT AT ALL. 

Fang

I watched Max with a hardened expression. I can't deal with this. I stood up swiftly and headed towards the door. I'd never leave the flock again- but she left us once and now that she's back she's got us all slipping slowly into a deeper depression? Ugh. I leaned my head back against the wall. At some point in the three years she was gone, I started a habit that I will never forgive myself for. I started smoking. Hey, it's better than doing drugs or cutting. (Self injury was never my thing- I wonder why?) I closed my eyes and lit a cigarette and took a long drag. I shivered. If Max caught me when we were fourteen, she would have killed me. Now she just sat in there with Nudge, Gazzy, and Iggy, pretending everything's fine. I clenched my left fist on the lighter there. My hands had quit shaking by now. Good. If any one were to ask my why I did this, I would never have had a better answer than the fact that it calmed me when I was sad or angry. I never let the kids see me. I think Iggy suspected it- he has better ears and a better nose than us- but he never said anything. I hope he won't now. If anything, I don't want Max to be disappointed in me.

I growled and flicked the cigarette away, agitated at myself. At least I wasn't shaking anymore. I kept my head leaned back and my eyes closed. Maybe I'll fall asleep and find myself six foot two again and fourteen years old, waking up to Max right next to me and my clothes not smelling like smoke. Maybe I won't know what it's like to crave nicotine every time I have a bad day. Maybe Max will never leave…Maybe this is all just a bad dream….maybe…maybe….

_I was watching her. She looked beautiful. Her blond hair was curled at the bottoms and it reached her waist. Her brown eyes were bright and excited- not dead looking at all. Gazzy ran up behind her, wearing an out fit as peculiar as Max's. He was wearing a white baggy-ish shirt and some cotton white pants. Max was wearing a long white plain dress that had a low neck and long sleeves. Nudge and Iggy followed Gazzy and smiled. They were wearing around the same thing as the Gasman. I was wearing a larger version of Gazzy's out fit, only mine was black. We're all in the clouds, laughing and talking about nothing. Max sits on my lap eventually, eyes tired, but still alive. Everyone suddenly falls to the ground, stiff as a board on their backs. Their faces pale. Max is too still on my chest. The air is suddenly tainted. We're all in cages. Our cotton outfits are now not pure white, but off white and dirty. We're being scraped out of our cages by Erasers the size of Godzilla. Gazzy is dragged out by his foot; Nudge her wing; Iggy his arm; Max screams. Her chest is bleeding. Black smoke erupts from her mouth. The Erasers throw the flock in with me and take Max to The Room. The Room is the room we will never forget from our pasts. She looks at me and mouths something, but I can't see what it is. _

"_What?!" I yell, trying to come towards her._

"_Don't worry about me! We're already dead!" With that her head falls limp and she speaks no more. I turn hesitantly towards the flock. Iggy's neck is bent in an odd angle and he's not breathing. Gazzy's bleeding through his eyes, mouth, and ears. It's grotesque. And Nudge…Nudge was smiling and too pale. Then I see her stomach. It's been lacerated. Blood was spattered all over the walls and I find myself kneeling in a puddle of blood. I look down at myself. I have multiple holes in my chest. I can't breath! I can't move and my legs are paralyzed. I choke and sputter, finally falling on my face in the blood. _

"_Fang! Fang, wake up you stupid boy!" Max's voice yelled. I sat up quickly, feeling my chest. I took a nice, deep breath. Then I checked her shirt. No blood. "What are you looking at?" She asked, glaring and crossing her arms. Fourteen…_

"_I just had a nightmare." I said. Her eyes softened. We all knew what it was like to have nightmares. This was the worst one yet. _

"_What it was it about?" She asked quietly. I patted the ground beside me gently._

"_I don't know really. We were all older, and you had been gone for three years. We finally found you after looking for you everywhere. You didn't believe that we were alive. I'd started smoking while you were gone because it was calming. And you thought we were dead…Because you'd been hallucinating. And Angel turned. Total died of food poisoning. Iggy got his ear pierced. I got a tattoo. Nudge stopped talking as much. I didn't eat for days on end. Then I fell asleep in my sleep and we were all in the clouds all happy and talking. Then everyone was dead. After that we were in cages and being dragged out by Erasers. You told me not to worry, cause we were already dead…I'm glad you're not." I said and leaned over to kiss her lips. She kissed me back. Softly, hesitantly. As if she's scared. When we pull back, she looks startled and tries to take off again, but this time I catch her arm and jump to my feet with her. _

"_Please don't leave me again. Just tell me- don't you love me as much as I love you? You don't have to. You can tell me to leave you alone forever and I will." She wasn't looking at me._

"_I…I don't know what to do. This is all so confusing." She said, frowning deeply. _

"_Can I clear up your confusion?" I asked, not leaning towards her this time. "Why? What are you going to do?" She asked. I smiled. She always figures that I'm going to like jump on her or something. _

"_I'm going to tell you that I love you and that if you ever leave me I won't let you go. And that I learned from that horrid dream that I never wanted to be away from you- physically and emotionally. Mentally. It was terrible." I said, smiling. She flinched. She was confused still._

"_I don't know what to do! I don't want to screw up the flock!" She yelled at me. I kept my cool._

"_That's fine. I'll go ask them if they'll mind right now. Note- they've been taking bets for the past two months." I grinned, going towards them._

"_Fang you dare go tell them and I will shove my combat up your skinny butt." She growled. I smirked without letting her see. _

"_Why so violent, Max?" I asked. _

I lurched awake, shaking and suddenly on my knees. I threw up a few times. Not that there was much to barf up- it was mostly bile anyways. The rain started. Iggy sat next to me after I leaned back and away from the bile. He sighed.

"She said that she was sorry and that she'd act better now."

"I don't want her to ACT better, I want her to believe me that I want her to know that we're alive! I want her to know that we missed her! I want her to know that I'M sorry, that I should've gone after her. I want her to know that…I love her." I sighed, slamming my fists into the ground.

"She knows. She just doesn't know what to do with that information. You were dreaming again, weren't you?"

"Yeah." I sighed and walked off, reaching into my pocket for another ciggy.


End file.
